21 Things I've Learned Since Publishing My Debut Book
Because things aren't always *that* fun
When talking to one of my friends last year, she had a very insightful thing to say. I was feeling a bit, well, glum; a messy work situation had ensured, which was not at all pleasent. I was feeling confused about my place in the world - compared to my classmates, I feel I have not progressed whatsoever, not achieved anything really. I am still quite a long way from where I want to be, too.
Asides from immediately calling me on my extreme idiocy and suggesting I immediately eat cake, she had an interesting take on failure.
Failure has become a kind of cultural currency somewhat, especially when you think of the podcast How To Fail. There are self help books galore about this, as well as memoirs debating the topic extensively, too. I even wrote about it not that long ago for The Independent - in detailing what books about failure people *should* be reading.
But we arguably still do not tackle the issue head-on, let alone how to confront failure when it’s staring you right in the face. The idea of ‘push all those feelings down’ is outdated - and, arguably, toxic. As an Autistic person, I sometimes get stuck on a thought - in being unable to draw out of the thought spiral. It doesn’t happen often, but it can be paralysing.
In her pink glitter sequin jacket that set off the lipstick complimenting her huge smile, my friend listened, and merely said to think on this in what you have learned, and take that with you.
Which is exactly what I needed to hear.
In that vein, here are 21 things - some funny, a few practical, the occasional philosophically inclined - that I have learnt about publishing my debut book. Sometimes other people ask me for advice - which I feel unable to give, I’m working out things just as much as anyone else - but this is the summary of what I have learnt.
Out Now!
My debut book, The Autism Friendly Cookbook, is out now! And this is what people are saying about it….
Natasha Lipman, journalist and host of The Rest Room podcast: “The Autism Friendly Cookbook is a striking manifesto on the importance of accessibility in cooking. With adaptations front and centre, this book from Lydia Wilkins is sure to become a kitchen staple.”
Steve Silberman, author of NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity: “Cooking is one of the foundations of independent living. This charming, inviting book is designed to make this basic life-skill accessible to everyone. It's not just a collection of tantalizing recipes, it's a celebration of autistic community.”
Chloe Johnson, editor at Disability Review Magazine: “A delightful guide full of important information for neurodivergent foodies - we've needed this for years!”
When it comes to writing a book - a sentence I never thought I’d write! - there is a lot to learn, and fast. Added to this, I was recently in an exchange with another writer on Twitter - where we ‘spoke’ to the cost of book writing, and the impact, too. (At the end of last year, I took myself out on an ‘art date’ - that included by favourite Thai food, a trip to two bookshops, and more.)
In that vein, here are 21 things I have learned about book writing:
#1 You cannot please everyone, despite the demand to - meaning you cannot possibly represent everyone. You need to be aware of that. It sounds so trite to put to paper - but sometimes, when you try to make everything as accessible as possible as part of your job, it can be hard to not be your worst critic. And I was really beating myself up about this for a long time, too. But it is not possible to represent/please all; Caitlin Moran recently spoke to this on an episode of How To Fail, and how you can only write, really, from your own point of view when writing commentary. I wish I had thought about this earlier.
#2 Bookshops won’t have your book and you will feel crap about it. Individuals were really nice about the book - and encouraging me to go see if my local bookshop had it in stock. Of course it wouldn’t be there! (They’d ask on my behalf, to friendly embarrass me.)
#3 Some people can be terrible about a launch party when the thought is even mentioned. A launch is an ‘optional’ - and something I wanted to do, as A. this is how I got into journalism, B: friends of mine would benefit from contacts, such as someone I mentored, and C: after a pandemic, socialising isn’t exactly a crime any more. Some individuals were terrible when the thought was even discussed - and one of the things I’ll be taking into 2023 is to have a zero tolerance policy on ableist related behaviours and sexism. Mention ‘bar’ and there’ll be interest. But I found very often not in the reason as to why.
#4 But some can also be brilliant! See also the fearsome ex-military friend of mine who was my protector and anxiety cushion. Those who have your best interests are worth their weight in gold.
#5 Be aware of PLR. Public lending right is an amount you get paid if your book is borrowed from a library.
#6 And SOA. The Society Of Authors was my lifeline in writing this - including a wonderful getaway to the Gladstone Library.
#7 You’re going to need to speak for yourself - and you learn very quickly about this. As someone who has a medical diagnosis for a communication disorder, I am use to people speaking for me - in that I never thought to question, but to just go along, having always been told ‘you do communication wrong’. You will need to learn - and possibly quickly - to speak for yourself.
#8 Trolls! They’re so much fun, aren’t they?! It is inherently weird to seek me out, find my website, and write me a cross email via the contact form, or to send me private messages. Everyone has a right to an opinion, of course - but I don’t have to listen. Or read it. Or respond. ‘I’m Autistic so I am rude as part of my diagnosis’ is also not an excuse - it’s A. inaccurate, B. harmful to the rest of us, and C. just a plan crappy thing to do.
#9 So: cultivate your own space. I often point out to other journalists that the universe is bigger than our elitist industry - we need to do better in this vein.
#10 To write a book is a hopeful act. Lean into that. Emma Gannon wrote recently that we pay a lot for coffee - think of the price of your regular Starbucks, for example - yet so often object to paying for a book or regular writing. Maybe this year we can invest in the concept of hope?
#11 You need to make time for the physical writing - damn the individual who said 80k is not a lot to create. This was the bit I found hardest - to set aside the time and space to write. That was partly down to being freelance, but also executive functioning issues I experience as part of my Autism, as well as other things - illness, medical procedures, a family bereavement, etc. Word counts are a lot - despite what people tell you!
#12 Interviews have copyright forms to sign. You don’t just sit down to write a book - forms go with it. The admin is stressful.
#13 And the same for extracts. Again, more forms!
#14 Photographs cost cover price and continued circulation. My book is illustrated - there are no photos. That would have inflated the cover price substantially - there are ONE HUNDRED recipes - and would have meant that the book would be likely to go out of circulation quicker. My book is illustrated.
#15 You have no right to speak for my community if you are not in this space - with caveats. But you cannot tell me how to ‘do’ autism. It hadn’t occurred to me before, not really. But that was one lesson I learnt with this book - have a list of your values, and keep them as a boundary setter.
#16 Say yes to everything. If someone wants to promote you, say yes to every possible opportunity!
#17 Put your book everywhere. I hadn’t really thought this through - and I wish I had done so retrospectively. Putting your book everywhere will help - not just asking people to post about it. Put it in your email signature, your Twitter header, every possible bio you’re asked to write, across your social media….
#18 I hate having my photo taken. With a passion. There are many reasons for this - but I had to go get a headshot taken professionally for the book cover. This was less than a week after being in quarantine, I was still significantly quite sick - and in a lot of pain. It’s like actors - they never watch themselves back almost exclusively. I have only really learned I have a real hatred of having my photo taken in this line!
#19 You meet the good ones along the way. Ian Taverner is the author of Cookfullness, a book dedicated to the topic of cooking as a kind of therapy for chronic pain and disability issues. I forget how we originally connected - but we got to meet at Naidex last year. You meet the good ones along the way.
#20 Impact is hard to guess. I had to laugh to myself when I learnt that 2 Daily Mail journalists, who I admire, had known about this book - it was an incongruous image! I also got to meet one of most admired Women’s Rights Activists - she came to my book launch - and she walked away with a copy of the book, too, having said the sweetest things. (Honestly, I was trying not to cry. That’s not a pretty sight, trust me.) Impact is hard to gauge - and if I’m honest, not much has changed, it’s back to normal now.
#21 It’s addictive and I’d do it all again in a heartbeat. This much I know…
Publishing a book is SO HARD! I have had some of these learnings and many others. It's important to remember you've done this MASSIVE thing and even if it's not in any bookshop, it doesn't matter, because YOU'VE DONE IT! Congratulations to you x
Congrats! And thanks for sharing that list of learnings!