"Disability Isn't A Dirty Word!"
Introducing Actress Ruth Madeley For Disability Review Magazine On IPWDD
“Stay right there - we are coming to get you! Ruth wants to say hello.”
My cheeks stung with bitterly hot tears. Trying to see my friend for dinner had been met with an access refusal - enough so I walked out of the building in tears. Usually, we just go elsewhere - because why is my money not good enough for your business, on the grounds I use a cane to walk?
The snide passive aggressive comments from middle aged women with a coffee cup smile, the misogynists who sexualise a body, the children who point and stare - usually, it doesn’t matter. I cannot care for or police every tiny incident. Brushing off the situation with a witty comeback does little but inflame a situation. But this was a rare occurrence - something unusual, something unlike me. It was intended to humiliate me as something lesser than. It hurt. Everyone has a breaking point.
Ever been located to the back of a restaurant, and forgotten about - only to be served with hurried cold food and an abrupt sneer - because you use a cane to assist with walking, to stay out of pain and limit fainting episodes? Ever been attacked by a man who claims he wants to ‘have’ the disabled chick, as he’s doing you a favour? Or had your editor talk about ‘the one time I was nice to a disabled person’ - because you just happen to be present?
Back to the issue: who on Earth was Ruth? Do I know a Ruth? UGHH! Brain on haywire mode!
Let me introduce you…
“The story starts with him. Me - and him.”
After catching Covid 19 and having to reconcile the impact quickly, I found Then Barbara Met Alan. (Watch on iPlayer now.) Madeley plays the title role of the mother of disability rights in the UK - the punkish, red lipped, sweary caberet performer who fell in love, and decided to do something about the state of disability discrimination in the UK. Barbara Lipsicki and her then husband masterminded the Equality Act and its predecessor - the right to equality in law. This is that story.
Even now, I still feel emotional about the final scene; the idea of the Disabled Action Network was that disability is not to be pitied - you will give us our rights, or be forced to. Why should we be polite about it? We have tried this for decades; it does not work. The bear minimum is not good enough. We should not have to be grateful for passable basic decency.
The idea of here, the disabled came together, “came together, and fought for rights - and refused pity” was a fierce calling down the generations. We cannot forget such an aphorism, we cannot forget such a power either. Bang your cane, hurry your wheels, hold the banner for the world to see - you show up loudly, and you will stand tall.
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And now, she was in front of me. “Lydia - we’re taking you for a drink!” Taking charge quickly, the unlikely trio were in Covent Garden. What pub has a ramp access for a wheelchair user? My friend and I were conferring about possible locations - asking if a wheelchair ramp was good enough. It looked.. steep. Rickety. Frankly, neither of us - both cane users - were game to walk up it.
“It’s fine!” With a watch this smile, Madeley picked up speed, effortlessly making the ramp - and landing in the middle of a bar.
We’d met while taking part in Unhidden’s fashion show last year; she closed out the catwalk, and it was one of the greatest things I have ever seen. This woman, in bright pink, came fiercely storming down the catwalk - turning a 360* in her wheelchair, hair and hooped earrings flying. It was bold, it was gorgeous, it was bloody unapologetic and free. Having struggled with self image and body confidence in the aftermath of Covid 19’s impact and endless testing in an ableist medical system, this was a revelation to see.
I was plonked down at a table, ice cold lemonade (just the way I liked it) pushed in front of me, to set the world to rights. War stories were swapped around the table - such as from the set of Doctor Who, the world of fashion, the most ableist thing said to us, more. I got to tell my ‘villain’ origin story - I was diagnosed as Autistic due to Doctor Who essentially, and how it has a kind of SEN cultural significance. The reaction was priceless: “Why didn’t you tell me?!” My favourite Doctor and show runner are disability allies, it turns out.
That’s how this issue of Disability Review Magazine has Ruth on the cover. I wanted this to be celebratory in connection with International Day for Person’s With Disabilities - because we are not tragic, we are not heroes, we are just human beings. In all of the romance, the confusion, the screw up, the death and the grief, the creativity, there is something so very human that has yet to be analysed or documented - and we should be celebrated! We have an iconic photograph of Barbara Lipsicki in the magazine (see above), Ruth’s cover story, a business owner telling us her story, travel pieces, four people have written for me, and so much more. This is the thing I am proudest of as a journalist.
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Two years ago, I found out about today and its significance while on the other side of the world. The quote of the time, cited by so many activists, was all too prescient at the time: “To live without shame is a radical act.” Sometimes, whether you write articles or books, or are lucky enough to do both, we need to tell the story that our younger self should have seen. And show up for that girl.
Somewhere, there is an eleven year old version of me. The world seems a scary place to her, so bright and loud, where the people talk incomprehensibly at her. Teachers and the grown ups who should have known better think her stupid, that her kind will not amount to much. What’s the point in fostering that curiosity? She’s isolated, lonely, and so, so anxious. Stories are a refuge, a place to escape to instead. The melody, the cadences of the BBC on a Saturday night - she’ll still be able to quote it in years to come, she’ll find herself telling the stories in the end. Had she have seen stories like this, it would have had an immense impact.
And that should be standard for every young disabled person everywhere - there is a power in good stories, one that we have so often underestimated. We have to show up for ourselves.
How you tell that story is what matters in the end. Best make it a good one.
Disability Review Magazine is out now.
Accessible Recommendations For IPWDD
🧚 For travel access, AccessAble has the detailed access guides for more than 100,000 venues in the UK and US - so it tells you if there is a step free entrance, etc. Access them for free here.
🧚 How brands can celebrate disability history month.
🧚 I use an amalgamated bullet journal to organise the usual disability admin along with the rest of my life - and this old blog post is something I constantly reference.