Pleasure

The Reclamation Of My Body

Ever since I saw a live podcast recording of Sex Talks, featuring host Emma-Louise Boynton and guest Lucia Osborne-Crowley, I’ve been eagerly anticipating Emma’s debut book. Pleasure: The Reclamation Of My Body seemed a timely book - paywall subscribers will know the ins and outs of that issue. I also want to draw attention to the inequality of access to sex and dating for disabled women - isn’t it great we’re seeing memoirs and cultural inquiries that…. strike back? (TLDR: you need this book.)

I also got to go to the book launch at the end of last month. Perfectly complimenting the book cover, the dress code for the night was pink and red - the audience was mainly a lot of worshipful women, which was refreshing to see.

(Vibrators were also on hand to purchase along with the book and snacks; that strikes me as the perfect book promotion..)

In essence: this is the transition from starting to finishing sex therapy, aged twenty seven. Emma-Louise Boynton writes openly of an inability to orgasm, as well as the background of how she got to the point of feeling her body was “broken.” The point she found was that we are more alike in this - so many felt the same, and were living kind of under a cloud of shame.

I’ve written about the concept of desexualisation before on here, which I feel is a feminist issue; the understanding of such a term if how we undo inequality of care between disabled and non disabled women. This is *the* book I wish I’d been given a long time ago - particularly because of the no-holds-barred approach when it comes to the concept of unlearning shame. Chapter three points to how desire is often seen as a performance, for example - therefore without your own ‘likes’ attached. The following chapter also notes that “shame is the most powerful tool for policing sexuality.” There’s something universal in that, something that we can all afford to learn from.

There’s also a note of caution that felt.. a little bit like a slap in the face, in the sense of ‘this is true but an uncomfortable truth’: chapter two is bringing the truth bombs alright. “You can’t enjoy sexual pleasure in a body that you hate.” I have known too many people pleasers across both sides of the aisle, far too many women, far too many disabled women with internalised ableism, to know that this should resonate with many. Me included.

The question is how we can start that work, especially given that sex therapy is expensive. (I always love a writer who fully acknowledges their level of privilege - how refreshing!)

With the world of AI slowly advancing, this also left me feeling unexpectedly cheerful; there is a degree of fightback! The week I finished reading this, Hinge announced plans for AI avatars to ‘do’ the talking; yet look at the advent of singles’ nights, the need for in person meetings and connection. This had me convinced by the end: “without a capacity for intimacy, with ourselves and others, we cannot access real pleasure. Because pleasure is in / happens within the confines of a body, and not through the limits of a screen.

Make it your disabled feminist mission for today, and get yourself a copy of Pleasure: A Reclamation Of My Body now: