When #BeKind Stops Working..

Lifting the lid on CBT therapy - part 2

Prior to Christmas I finally started undergoing a set block of 4 sessions devoted to CBT - prescribed due to anxiety significantly causing the symptoms of vestibular migraine to be out of control. I kept a diary and notes of each session for this newsletter, to lift the lid on what this has been like - this is part 2.

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It’s the inner voice that seems to be asking the questions this week; would it kill anyone to just be nice, and to not have to moderate other people, just for once? To just stop the unwarranted unhelpful caring would do every single one of us such good. I am at my calmest around water - and the least anxious when outside. But being allowed to just exist is the key.

Frost bites at my legs despite the onset of ‘winter woolies’ - the much loved Babuska faux fur coat - as I wait outside. This was what was agreed, having had to deal with 3 separate incidents of men and their harassment/violence - but the therapist does not come outside to meet me, which was agreed. Another man had not left me alone in the waiting room either when I had been assessed for the service, either - to just walk in means I hold my breath, walk a tightrope, ill at ease. A receptionist escorts me on every occasion - it’s like being paternally frogmarched. And I feel like I want to run more, as this feels like being in trouble.